I am more than lucky to be in the position that I am at my age.
Why? Well because there is a time in a woman’s life when she starts to fill each thought and each action with the desire to get married. I don’t know when this hits for some, but for me, I hope it never will. I am more than surrounded in Italy with these types of women. Marriage is like a close friend that seems to always be at our side. At every meal, outing, conversation, before bed….. It seem that the topic is inescapable.
For this very reason I want to explore it with you and share the difference in opinions I have heard. These women are strong professional women, some believe in marriage and some do not. Never the less, it has been a topic of almost every discussion. This article is titled “Is Divorce Really That Bad?” for the reason that in the United States, the two go hand in hand, but here in Italy the latter is all but an option.
Let me start by saying that the divorce rate in Italy is 12% and in the United States it is a staggering 49%. But wait, is that really that bad? Americans believe that marriage is a different union than Europeans. Here in Italy, marriage is having children, sharing a home, going to functions, hosting and attending parties. In the U.S. it is the same but it becomes a difficult task if the two have fallen out of love.
Why is that? Is it to say that Americans believe that love is necessary for a marriage to thrive and that Italians do not. Once the love is gone between two people, then what do you do? Divorce, therapy, seperation? Or do you go on living exactly as you already are?
I was at a dinner party a few nights ago and a man said to me. The difference between Americans and Italians is “Americans can divorce but they cannot touch, Italians can touch but they cannot divorce.” Simply said.
This is the difference, what do you do when the love is gone between two people. Italians (both husband and wife) are known to go and find a partner to “play with” to bring that spark back into their life. This is not to say, that Americans don’t do the same thing but more that they can divorce without the scrutiny of their peers. A divorce will give them both the opportunity to live a life with someone new that they love and can be happy with.
This also raises another subject. After marriage? For Italian women the expiration date is between 40 and 50. So life after divorce is not a pleasant one. For the men, it is a different story. But then again there is no sense carrying on as if you are still in love, if you are not. Right? Or does that make you selfish? What about children, expenses, and the fact that both people don’t give up on a marriage at the same time. This is an age old question that is pondered by more now than ever before.
I do not have all the answers, I only know that in order to have a meaningful relationship of any sort you have to feel a certain amount of equality between the two of you, respect and admiration, and this has to be constant over the relationship. The difference in these two countries and the way they deal things, is not a right versus a wrong, but rather a nature vs nurture type thing. It is not my place to judge, but only to make you think about it. I believe as Italians change with the times, that woman will have their equality in unions, age will not be of relevance and people will adapt in relationships to do what is necessary to be happy.
After all, that is what really matters. Statistics
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June 4th, 2008 - 6:12 am
[...] this hits for some, but for me, I hope it never will. I am more than surrounded in Italy with thhttp://livingplush.com/DearChelle/index.php/2007/11/03/is-divorce-really-that-bad/I&39M IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED WOMAN Lyrics - by BLAINE LARSEN from …Jun 14, 2006 … Words Lyrics [...]